Questions I ask myself often

questions i ask myself often

what have i done?

why do i feel this way?

what did i do wrong?

why am i the way i am?

why can’t i be nicer? more likable?

why can’t i find love?

why am i here?

what am i going to be?

am i a good person?

Do i make a difference?

I miss what we used to be

just knowing you used to make me a want to be a better person, hearing your name made me think of all our talks and good times we had together, hearing your name made me smile. but now, hearing your name just brings a big searing ball of hurt and regret in my chest. Sure it’s been awhile but remembering all those good times we had together, the spark that was always there when we were together, and the way i used to feel about you, remembering all that makes it harder to forget you and at the same time intensifying my pain.

one of those nights

tonight is one of those nights were i am at my lowest. theres a numbness in my heart that i can't comprehend that sit there bubbling near the center of my heart. It leaves me wondering why do i feel like this and what can i do to stop this. I leaves a second from glassy eyes and a sob in my throat. what power on earth does this to me?

i can't think

blah blah alskdjfa;oiwejra;lkjd;oaije;rlakajdfls;dkfja;owiera;lkjsf

backstabbers,

people can be deceiving. one moment you think you know someone or it least know what kind of person they are and they one thing that changes you whole perspective of them....Sometimes it can be for the better, but usually it isn't. Most people know this because they backstabbed by someone close. it sucks. IT REALLY SUCKS. It seems like a ritual into become a mature adult. You gotta know how to deal with the pain and everything and how to control your emotions. It's all about control. The backstabbers know how to control their reputation and their moods but sometimes they slip up, then its up to control our moods, our tempers, our anger.

Sigh the lessons life unknowingly teaches us...

creation

this is my secret diary, that isn't so secret, but yet it is. Its amazing how open it is to the world, that anyone can see it. but no one does. thats okay though, cause this is my creation

I'm posting on this blog, now constantly for the past 12 hours? haha not much since most of the time I was sleeping, but still. Now Im at school secretly hoping that someone will see what i am doing and be curious. Of course i wouldn't tell them what i'm doing but im hoping they will be curious enough to find out on their own. thats the point of blogs. you want people to care. so why don't i want people to see it?

I. Am. Afraid. i am afraid of what people will think. What they will say. But most of all i am afraid of someone actually understanding me, my thoughts, my wanting to be noticed, my wanting to be special, my wanting to find self worth. It's scary knowing someone can know so much about you. It's like they know your most secret desires that seems so complicated to you yet someone they can some it up in just a few sentences.

I guess thats another reason to post stuff on this blog. to write down my thought and try to make some sense of them and what they mean. I can never understand myself, or maybe i do, i don't know. and THAT is the most frustrating part of all.

for your eyes only

the secret is that i am hurting. i don't know why anymore. i guess it's everything but i don't know what that even is. lifes just getting to me. don't let it get to you

discovery

well when im on tumblr i blog stuff cause i want people to see it and i know people might so that changes everything

when im blogging stuff no one will see, the restrictions and rules that seem to be there when on tumblr dissappear

Dear Blog,

You are my new obsession

With Love,

From Yours Truly,

Emily

P.S. I think you should have pictures but oh well you don't. i'll deal with it

inspiration

I should stop posting stuff, but this is addiction. what's the point of blogging? hoping someone will care? having a fairytale ending when all this gets discovered and someone finds it worth while? i guess. maybe im just hoping to inspire someone, maybe that someone is me.

i want to be inspired.

by something,

by anything,

by everything.

If i was a story. you probably wouldn’t even know I existed and you would never know my story and you never will.

if i was a flower. you would step on me thinking there are much more beautiful things out there

if i was a picture. you would glance, then walk away

but i am a person and i refuse to be passed by

i think i like this better then tumblr....but this will never be seen. I guess its better that way, now i can write whatever I want....well within reason but more so on here then on tumblr

watch out, ima take over the world

lets grow old together

i don't ever wanna die but I'm hating how i live

that is practically how i feel. i don't want to die but right now there is no purpose in my life. I guess my purpose now is to finish school, go to college. I have dreams, wishes and hopes, but are they really worth something or anything? it seems like that is what i always come back too. self worth.

why do i feel like i have to mean something to somebody to mean something to myself?

idk i should try to change that but i don't know how. i don't know where to start.

for all the bitches

love me, hate me, either way its still an obsession

First Post

I swear the most evil thing in a teenage girl's world is homework....and boys