creation

this is my secret diary, that isn't so secret, but yet it is. Its amazing how open it is to the world, that anyone can see it. but no one does. thats okay though, cause this is my creation

I'm posting on this blog, now constantly for the past 12 hours? haha not much since most of the time I was sleeping, but still. Now Im at school secretly hoping that someone will see what i am doing and be curious. Of course i wouldn't tell them what i'm doing but im hoping they will be curious enough to find out on their own. thats the point of blogs. you want people to care. so why don't i want people to see it?

I. Am. Afraid. i am afraid of what people will think. What they will say. But most of all i am afraid of someone actually understanding me, my thoughts, my wanting to be noticed, my wanting to be special, my wanting to find self worth. It's scary knowing someone can know so much about you. It's like they know your most secret desires that seems so complicated to you yet someone they can some it up in just a few sentences.

I guess thats another reason to post stuff on this blog. to write down my thought and try to make some sense of them and what they mean. I can never understand myself, or maybe i do, i don't know. and THAT is the most frustrating part of all.